Why So Many Women Stop Flourishing in Midlife & How It Begins Again
- Kayla Reed
- May 6
- 6 min read
The word flourish isn’t one we hear often in everyday conversation. It almost feels out of place… like a wildflower growing through concrete… when we look around and see the weight so many people are carrying—mentally, physically, emotionally.
We tend to use words like thriving or well-being when we talk about living a good life. And while those words are meaningful, flourishing reaches a little deeper. It describes something more whole… more integrated. It speaks to a life that is not just functioning, but alive in every dimension.
In the field of human flourishing, Tyler VanderWeele identified six key domains that help us understand what it truly means to flourish:
Happiness & Life Satisfaction
Meaning & Purpose
Character & Virtue
Close Social Relationships
Mental & Physical Health
Financial & Material Stability
When you look at these six areas together, it can feel overwhelming. If we interpret flourishing as “having it all together,” it starts to feel like an impossible standard… something reserved for a version of ourselves that doesn’t struggle, doesn’t falter, doesn’t feel.
But that’s not what flourishing is.
Flourishing is not perfection. It is not an arrival.
It is a process of becoming.
It invites us into a posture of curiosity… gently asking, “Where in my life am I being called to grow?” Not from a place of pressure, but from a place of compassion.
I didn’t come to understand this idea through theory alone. I came to it through one of the most difficult seasons of my life.
On February 21, 2021, I dropped my husband off at the emergency room doors as he struggled to breathe. Because of the restrictions at the time, I wasn’t allowed to go inside with him. I had no idea that moment would stretch into four and a half long weeks before I would see his face or hear his voice again.
During that time, he was placed on a ventilator
twice. He developed a blood clot in his leg. When I was finally allowed to see him, he was heavily medicated and didn’t even know I was there. Eventually, the doctors performed a tracheotomy as a last effort to help him breathe on his own.
And yet, somehow, through all of it… God carried us.
Luke survived. But survival was just the beginning. After weeks of being bedridden, he had lost significant muscle mass. He had to relearn how to walk… how to swallow… how to live in his body again.
It was in the middle of that long, fragile road of recovery that I felt a quiet whisper in my spirit:
Flourish.
I remember responding almost instinctively, “Okay, God… but I don’t even know what that means.”
That single word became an invitation.
It led me into a season of learning, researching, questioning, and slowly rebuilding my understanding of what it means to live well—not just in the easy seasons, but in the ones that stretch us to our core.
And what I’ve come to see is this:
Flourishing doesn’t begin when life becomes perfect. It begins when we pay attention… when we tend to the different areas of our lives with intention, grace, and honesty.
I can now look back on that season and see what I couldn’t see at the time… the many “little” miracles that carried us through those seven weeks.
If I’m honest, I had been expecting a dramatic, undeniable “Lazarus moment”—something sudden and miraculous that would erase the fear and restore everything at once. But that’s not what we received.
What we were given instead were moments… small, steady, sacred moments. Strength when we didn’t think we had any left.Grace in the waiting. Hope that flickered, but never fully went out.
We were being shaped.
In the middle of that darkness, I didn’t see anything that looked like flourishing. It felt like survival. It felt like holding on by a thread.
But now I understand something I couldn’t grasp then:
Flourishing is not a destination we arrive at once everything is “fixed.”It is a journey… the slow, meaningful unfolding of a life being formed.
It’s less like a finish line and more like a story being written… one chapter at a time.
It can’t always be measured. But it can be felt… in the quiet resilience, in the growth we didn’t ask for, and in the strength we didn’t know we had.
Maybe you’re wondering why I care so deeply about this idea of flourishing in midlife.
Isn’t this the season where we’re supposed to slow down… to quietly fade into the background and “age gracefully”?
That’s the narrative many of us have been handed.
But here’s the truth I’ve discovered through both research and lived experience:
Midlife is not meant to be a slow decline. And yet… for many women, it feels like one.
Research, including the work of Tyler VanderWeele, shows us what it means to flourish across key areas of life. And when we look closely, we begin to see a concerning pattern… many women in midlife are struggling in one or more of these domains.
Why?
There isn’t just one answer. There are layers to this.
But we cannot have an honest conversation about midlife without addressing what many consider the elephant in the room:
Perimenopause and menopause.
This is not a short phase. It is often a 10- to 15-year transition in which our hormones begin to shift and decline. And without understanding what is happening in our bodies, this season can feel confusing, overwhelming, and deeply destabilizing.
These hormonal changes don’t just affect the body. They affect the brain… the emotions… the nervous system.
And when the body is under prolonged stress, the nervous system can begin to operate in a constant state of alert.
Think of it like an alarm system that never fully turns off.
Chronic stress can lead to ongoing cortisol production, which, over time, contributes to inflammation in the body. And that inflammation doesn’t stay in one place… it shows up in different ways:
Increased anxiety or mood changes
Feelings of depression or emotional heaviness
Disrupted sleep
Weakened immune response
Physical discomfort and fatigue
When we begin to understand the deep connection between the mind and the body, it makes sense why so many women feel like they are “losing themselves” during this season.
It’s not because they are failing.
It’s because their bodies are changing… and no one taught them how to navigate it.
But here’s what I want you to hear… gently, clearly, and without pressure:
This is not the end of your story.
It may feel like things are unraveling. It may feel like parts of you are harder to access… your energy, your clarity, your confidence, even your sense of identity.
But what if this season isn’t about losing yourself?
What if it’s about being invited to meet yourself again… in a deeper, more honest way?
Midlife has a way of bringing everything to the surface.
The roles we’ve carried…
The expectations we’ve lived under…
The ways we’ve learned to push through, hold it together, and keep going no matter what…
At some point, the body begins to say, “We can’t do it that way anymore.”
And instead of seeing that as failure…
What if we saw it as wisdom?
Your body is not working against you.
It is communicating with you.
It is asking for a different kind of care… a slower pace, a deeper awareness, a more compassionate response.
This is where flourishing begins again.
Not in perfection.
Not in having everything figured out.
But in small, intentional shifts.
Learning how to regulate your nervous system instead of pushing through constant stress.
Becoming aware of your thoughts and gently reshaping the ones that no longer serve you.
Reconnecting with what brings meaning and purpose to your life in this season… not the one you’ve outgrown.
Tending to your relationships with honesty and presence.
Caring for your body in ways that support, rather than punish, it.
These are not quick fixes.
They are invitations.
And over time, they begin to restore something many women feel they’ve lost…
A sense of steadiness.
A sense of clarity.
A sense of coming home to themselves.
Flourishing in midlife doesn’t mean you won’t struggle.
It means you are no longer walking through that struggle disconnected from yourself.
It means you are learning how to support your mind and body… instead of fighting against them.
It means you are becoming more aligned, more aware, and more grounded in who you truly are.
And maybe, just maybe…
This season,
you once feared
Becomes the one that transforms you.
Not into who you used to be…
But into who you were always meant to become.
If you’re ready to take that next step, here are a few gentle ways to begin:
Download one of my guided workbooks to start reflecting and reconnecting with yourself
Explore my Flourish Forward coaching program, designed to support you in a way that’s personalized and aligned with where you are right now
Or simply stay connected here… read, reflect, and take in what resonates at your own pace
Wherever you are in your journey…
You are not behind. You are not broken. And you are not too late.
You are in the middle of becoming.
And that, in itself…is the beginning of a beautifully flourishing life.
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